thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
