Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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