thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
