i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
