Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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