2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
