my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
