I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
