So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Come on in and take your pants off
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