I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
