I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
