Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
