In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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