Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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