He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
