Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I love you. Go after that dick
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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