I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
