The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
