I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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