No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize