I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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