That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
