Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
