I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
