didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
