U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
