Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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