Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
sarcasm needs its own font
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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