Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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