I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Let's get the cat blown out
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
