i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
