the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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