yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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