When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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