Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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