new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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