So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
