dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
