I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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