my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
