Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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