Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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