It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
