Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
