at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
