good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize