I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
