I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
