hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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