okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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