Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
