imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
