I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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