...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
