I swear she didn't look like that last week.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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