so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
