Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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