I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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