well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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