He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
