New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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