I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
