i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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