there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't deserve a penis
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
