i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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