There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I will be naked everywhere
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
