I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize