i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I supernannyed him into submission
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
