Your mouth is God's brothel.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
