Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
even my farts smell like vagina
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
